A bit of tongue-in-cheek humour on the Evils of Religion

A bit of tongue-in-cheek humour on the Evils of Religion

By

Dinshaw Patel

• They believe in a load of Bronze Age absurdities.
• They have fetishes for pain and suffering. 
• Their ethics are wishy-washy and often not based on any rational foundation.
• Some mutilate their bodies in name of their imaginary god(s).
• As Bertrand Russell aptly puts it, “My own view on religion is that of Lucretius. I regard it as a disease born of fear and as a source of untold misery to the human race.”
• They kneel and make absurd gestures in unnatural postures facing the sun, symbols, mountains, sea, fire, photos, statues, stone structure, rocks and all that challenges rationality.
• The Zoroastrians not only wash themselves with bull’s urine but also drink it polluting their own bodies inside out.
• They refer to their god as omnipotent.  It would be more apt to call him impotent. 
• In their metaphysics, they build absurd complex structures on marshmallow foundations.
• Their institutions are amongst the richest and yet they are exempted from paying taxes.
• Their prayers are loud and irritating.  The Zoroastrian priests whine and wail as if traumatized by bellyache, while the Mullahs howl and scream with deafening sounds.  Others moan as if suffering from constipation.   
• They are like infantile who cannot do without an illusionary daddy-crutch in the sky.
• They destroy spontaneity from an early age by implanting their morbid myths.
• They divide humanity and are often the cause of wars.
• They rule by the fear of the wrath of an delusional entity.
• They have imaginary friends among the dead, winged humans and all that remains unseen.
• Their god has as much a reality-status as Santa Claus.  
• They prefer imbecilic fables  to intelligent literature.
• They prefer preaching to listening.
• They prefer faith to reason.
• And, they prefer death to life. 

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THE FINGER

The Finger by Dinshaw Patel  - (2016)

“The Finger” is 30 X 30 (inches) canvas with a collage of pages taken from religious books of Judeo-Christian, Zoroastrian, Mohammedan and other delusional faiths.  The middle finger (with Rodin's Thinker) symbolizes a defiant gesture against all the hocus-pocus gibberish that is spewed by the religionists.  

___________

    A video from the Zoroastrian (fire) temple, Udvada Atash Behram, India.

A Zoroastrian priest whining and wailing as if traumatized by a bellyache while giving reverence to a fire that has no utility (except delusional). 

PARSIS OF MUMBAI AND KARACHI

For CBC Creative Nonfiction Competition – 2012

PARSIS OF MUMBAI AND KARACHI

By

Dinshaw Patel

The Parsis of Mumbai and Karachi.  Who are they?  Where do they come from?  If you cannot answer the questions immediately, you need not feel ashamed. You are amongst the mainstream, with the exception of the Parsis themselves and some others who, through association, would have some knowledge of this dwindling community.

With strict restrictions on the community’s conversion policy, fashionably low birth rates and an increasing number marrying outside their Zoroastrian faith, the Parsi population is declining to the extent that they are now even an unrecognised entity in the two mentioned cities they were so instrumental in building.

Yet, not too long ago they were the pioneers of the Indian subcontinent, entrepreneurs that financed entire countries; educationalists that built schools and colleges replicating England’s best in curriculum, facilities and architecture;  developers of vast housing and office complexes, hospitals, parks, promenades and industries; and philanthropists whose charities are still serving the needy for over a century.  Professionally, they stood out as the elite because of their excellent command over the English language, their monopoly of the banking industry and the number of renowned doctors, lawyers, engineers, economists, scientists and senior civil servants that they produced. 

However, their history is like that of a plant whose seed remained latent for years till one fine spring day, it started to blossom and bloom.  Soon it became the most beautiful flowering tree in the garden and remained that way for years.  But then slowly the flowers started to wilt and which is where the community stands today.

There are still some names that have worldwide recognition.  Zubin Mehta, the maestro of several leading orchestras; Rohinton Mistry, a renowned Canadian  author; the legendary rock star Freddy Mercury and Ratan Tata, the industrialist whose ancestors not only launched Air India, but today own a large slice of the European auto-manufacturing sector.

So where did this group of less than a hundred thousand originate?  Their story is best told through a fable repeated many a time to Parsi children by their elders.  Yet, with each new reiteration, the emphasis on the moral of the story keeps shifting. Often the stress is put on the determination and struggle it took in preserving the sacred fire, at other times on the shrewd negotiating tactics inbred within the psyche of the community and still on different occasions on the pacifistic nature of the Parsis.

According to the legend, approximately a thousand years ago, a few small boats with men, women and children onboard landed on the shores of Gujarat, India.  They carried with them nothing except the clothes they were wearing, some Zoroastrian scriptures and an urn with a small fire which was most preciously protected.  It is said that this little flame - which they nurtured night and day through the rough seas - had its origins from a bolt of lightning that came directly from the heavens.  For two thousand years their ancestors had kept that flame ignited.  But, with the invading forces of Arabs and the spread of Islam into Persia, the very existence of this godly link was threatened. In an endeavour to protect and preserve it, they sailed in search of more hospitable lands.

Upon arrival in India, they were received with utmost hospitality, yet were not given permission to reside permanently by the local ruler.  He argued that his region was a nation of one language, one religion and one culture.  Pointing to a glass filled to the brim with milk, he stated that his kingdom like the glass in front of them had no room for any foreign settlers.  Hardly had he finished his sentence that he noticed one from amongst the group gently pour in some sugar into the mentioned glass of milk without causing any spillage.  He then told the ruler, that if they were allowed to live in his kingdom, like with the glass of milk, they would dissolve into the community bringing it a sweeter flavour without displacing it.  The group of Zoroastrians assembled in front of the ruler further assured him that they had no evangelical ambitions.

Thus is the story of the first Zoroastrian settlers in India who also came to be known as the Parsis.  With passage of time, many left these small townships and moved to commercial centres like Mumbai and Karachi where they flourished.  Even in these cities, they built Fire Temples keeping the three-millennium old flame ignited. 

If one has even vaguely heard of the Parsis, it is likely because of their unique custom of disposing their dead in a circular amphitheatre like structure called the Tower of Silence.  Here the corpses are left exposed to the sun and to birds of prey.  Though once these facilities were on the periphery of the cities and surrounded by expanses of uninhabited land, today they are engulfed amidst high-rise buildings and congested streets.  Hence, many in the community are now considering the option of cremation. 

Presently conversion and cremation are the two main issues dividing the community.  The more liberal ones are in favour of both while the orthodox prefer holding on to the traditional ways and values.  Yet, both camps disapprove of burial as an option because the Zoroastrian faith sees it as desecrating mother earth and the environment.

The heyday of the Parsis was from the time of the Sepoy Mutiny till the Indian Independence.  Most Parsis who lived under the rule of the Union Jack and the Crescent Star or Ashok Chakra would still have preferred to live under the former flag which in its divide and rule policy had made some communities more equal than others.  The Parsis of India, though miniscule in number, had enjoyed an economic and social stature second only to that of the alien rulers.  In return the Raj had brought about a cultural metamorphosis within this small community.  The Parsis mimicked British institutions, such as, schools, colleges and clubs from their disciplinary rules to codes of dress.  Porridge became as much a staple diet for mornings as sherry and scotch for the evenings.  Even English eccentricities trickled down through literature.  Jeeves had become a household name and British military marches stirred deep sentiments.  Sir Edward Elgar’s Land of Hope and Glory became the Parsi anthem with its revised lyrics.  And, no social gathering was complete without some pianist or baritone leading the crowd into a chorus of emotional frenzy with,

Children of the Royal Race of Noshirwan,
Rally round his banner, sing of old Iran
Charity and Ashoi, these are watch-words true,
Mazda Lord of Good Mind, ever will save you,
Mazda Lord of Good Mind, ever will save you.

Yet, nowhere was this transformation more evident than in their speech.  The fashionable Parsis of high society spoke mainly in English and when on occasion their lips uttered sentences in their mother tongue Gujarati, it was inundated with English words and heavily accented with Anglicised enunciations.  Other than reading material and personal association, the key facilitator for this transmutation was with the airing of the BBC’s Empire Service in 1932 which was later renamed the World Service. For even the untraveled Parsi, it became a window to the world from its broadcasting headquarters at Bush House in London.  All wristwatches were synchronized with the radio’s time beeps.  World news and sports were followed diligently and regardless of the quality of the reception because of stray atmospheric interferences, never was a play, recital or concerts ever missed.  For the live relay of ‘Last Night at the Proms’ once a year, several would assemble at a Parsi home into the wee hours of the night where they would eat, drink and passionately rejoice in singing together, ‘Jerusalem’ and ‘Rule Britannia’ along with the broadcast. The only area where the Parsis did not budge was in accepting Christ as their eternal saviour.  They cherished their Zoroastrian faith and remained grateful to their Lord Ahura Mazda for fashioning them more like the English than any other dominant group of the subcontinent.

It is then not surprising that a famous British essayist, whilst recently commenting on the postcolonial period, said, “the only true Englishmen left in the world today are the Parsis.”

A FAILED EXPERIMENT

A FAILED EXPERIMENT

By

Dinshaw Patel

PREFACE

In the higher stratosphere of power, much is the same in all forms of government regardless whether it is democracy, oligarchy, monarchy or autocracy.  In democracy, the public voluntarily hand their leaders the power based on their insincere rhetoric, for here, the tongue is often mightier than the pen or the sword.  And, in other cases they forcibly grab it.  However, once in power, they assume demigod status and distance themselves from the public like celebrities.  Furthermore, they maintain control over armaments, security forces, information and distribution of wealth.  The populace is only viewed as marionettes and subjected to manipulation, exploitation and abuse.  Yet, the control is camouflaged and dressed to falsify the truth, giving their actions an appearance of benevolence under the guise of, “in the public interest” or “for national security.”

A Failed Experiment is completely fictional scenario and purely from imagination.  However, as Albert Einstein so aptly said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.  For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all that ever will be to know and understand.”  And, as the more adventurist physicist would argue, in the quantum world, all situations are possible making, this concocted story equally plausible.

For approximately two decades, the current President of Pakistan, Mr. Asif Ali Zardari has had his basic livelihood paid by the government.  Either as the husband of the deceased Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto, as a minister holding a portfolio, as the president or as a prisoner accused of the daylight robbery of the public coffers.

The plot of this play evolves over the short period of time that took Zardari to move his residence from a jail cell to the Pakistan Presidential Palace.  Under such circumstances, he may not have had much furniture to transport.  Yet, the move itself was one giant leap that only the United States of America could have orchestrated, and of course,  for the sake of national security and in the public  interest.

Characters

Anthony Blair                                                    Prime Minister of United Kingdom

Asif Ali Zardari                                                  Prisoner

Condoleezza Rice                                            66^th Secretary of State of the United States of America

Donald Rumsfeld                                             Defence Secretary

George W. Bush                                               43^rd President of the United States of America

Babu-Lal                                                              Asif Ali Zardari’s loyal and trusting crony

Richard Cheney                                                                46^th Vice President of the United States of America

Ryan C. Crocker                                                                US Ambassador to Pakistan

Stephen Bennett                                             US government employee without official designation

ACT 1

SCENE 1

A large prison cell with decor and amenities resembling a luxury hotel room.  The occupant, Mr. Asif Ali Zardari, looks up from his chair as he hears the clanking sound of the guard’s keys opening the door and letting in a slim, tall man.  Zardari with a gleaming smile gets up and greets his guest with long, tight embrace.

Asif Ali Zardari:    Babu-Lal, I swear on my land that you are truly nothing less than a brother.  You show up in three hours after I call you from five hundred miles away. What is this big suitcase yaar? 

Babu-Lal:    Aree bhai for you I would give up my life without hesitation.  Listen, I will give you the stuff later.  It is all the things I brought back from Dubai.  Things from Bibi and the children plus the espresso machine you wanted for the cell.  I want to talk before the guard comes back.  Bibi has information that she will again be made the prime minister by the Americans and she has asked me to tell you not to make any statements, refuse all interviews with journalists and not to mention anything on the phone or by e-mail.

Asif Ali Zardari:    I doubt it.  The Americans have their puppet in that bloody Musharraf, so why would they want to replace him with a big mouth like my wife?  She talks so much crap but tell me how are the children? 

               

SCENE 2

Suddenly the door opens and the guard ushers in a slim tall gentleman in a navy blue suit and immediately leaves, keeping the door slightly open.  The man walks straight to Zardari forwarding a handshake while only acknowledging the presence of Babu-Lal with a nod.

Stephen Bennett:    Mr. Zardari, my name is Bennett, Stephen Bennett and I am with the US government.  Can we talk in private?

Asif Ali Zardari:    My dear Mr. Bennett, this gentleman is no stranger to my affairs and what you have to say, you say in front of him.  By the way, even in a jail cell let me show you our true Pakistani hospitality.  Can I offer you some scotch?  It is a nothing but the best, Blue Label!

Stephen Bennett:    No thanks I don’t drink but you may certainly have one.  However, I have my instructions from the highest powers that we need to speak in private.

Babu-Lal:    Listen yaar,  I have a friend waiting anyway at the Pearl so I will visit you in the morning at 11, 12 o’clock.

 With another warm embrace, Exits Babu-Lal

SCENE 3

Stephen Bennett walks to the door, opens it and looks on either side and then pulls it shut.

Stephen Bennett:    Mr. Zardari, let me come straight to the point.  There is a very high-level meeting scheduled at our embassy and I am asked to request you to come with me.

Asif Ali Zardari:    You mean now? It is already nearing midnight.  And, may I ask what is the nature of the meeting and who else will be present?

Stephen Bennett:    Mr. Zardari, (and he puts a smile on for the first time) you will return a very happy man.  The meeting will not last very long and we have obtained all the necessary permissions to take you out as a free man so no handcuffs or police escorts.

Asif Ali Zardari:    Well, in that case Stephen; may I call you Stephen? You can also call me Asif. So in that case Steve, allow me to change in into my Armani suit which these day I don’t get much of a chance to wear, shave and be ready in a jiffy.  By the way, will Mr. Crocker be there?

Stephen Bennett:    Mr. Zardari, all I can say is that it is a very high level meeting held in utmost secrecy. 

In a few minutes as the cell smelled like a perfumery, Asif Ali Zardari comes out from the partitioned area distinguishably dressed.

ACT 2

SCENE 1

Inside the American ambassador’s residence in a room decorated in grandiose style with oil paintings portraying several presidents and battle scenes from the War of Independence and the Civil War, elegantly designed furniture exhibiting the richness of polished veneer resting on plush carpets and several US flags that no eye in any direction could miss.

Ryan C. Crocker:               My dear Mr. Zadari, what a delight seeing you.  You look wonderful.  Look at you, you look the same as when we last met.

Asif Ali Zardari:    Ambassador Crocker what a delight indeed.  I guess, it is the comfort of prison life that has kept me looking the way I do.  But, truly a surprise to be invited at such short notice.  I hope all is fine.

Ryan C. Crocker:               I truly apologise for not giving you more time, but the White House wanted me to have an urgent meeting with you.  Oh, sorry, please help yourself (pointing to a tray full of several sorts of Hors d’oeuvres and turning around) Stephen, see what drink you can prepare for our guest. 

 Asif Ali Zardari:    (winking) For medicinal reasons I would prefer some cognac.  Thank you.

Ryan C. Crocker:               It is getting late and I don’t wish to prolong this meeting longer than necessary.  But, I can only move forward if I have your absolute assurance that whatever is discussed here including your visit cannot go further, and we mean further beyond you to even your closest ally.

Asif Ali Zardari:    I understand.

Ryan C. Crocker:               For the United States government this matter is very important and regardless of tonight’s outcome, for all practical reasons neither our conversation nor the meeting took place.  Our discussion concerns national security for both the United States and Pakistan, and any breach on your part can have serious consequences.

Asif Ali Zardari:    I understand.

Ryan C. Crocker:               In that case we want you to read this declaration and sign below which puts you under obligation to the United States government to uphold your commitment and if found in breach, you can face severe penalties for treason.  However, even at this point you can turn down listening to what I will have to say and walk away a free man with no obligation to the government of the United States of America.

Asif Ali Zardari:    You mean walk as a free man into a jail cell?  Please allow me a second to read the document and I will give you my word, commitment and signature.

Asif Ali Zardari reads through the document, taking his finger slowly from line to line.  He then pulls out his MONTBLANC and signs on the dotted line.

Ryan C. Crocker:               Excellent, excellent.  I assure you, you will be very pleased with what I have to say.  You see Mr. Zardari, we are facing a very difficult time with the war in Afghanistan and Iraq.  Pakistan is our strongest and best ally in the region and we cannot afford to have a Pakistani government which is not fully, and I mean fully, supportive of our mission in the region.

Asif Ali Zardari:    So you want the next prime minister, my wife to be controlled by her husband.  You mean not let her wear the pants.

Ryan C. Crocker:               Mr. Zardari, you have been called here on a very serious mission.  This conversation of ours is being listened to by some of the most powerful men, I mean people, in the world.

Asif Ali Zardari:    (Looking towards a mirror) Hello members of the Illuminati  group.  

Ryan C. Crocker:               Mr. Zardari, please, this is not a joking matter.  Let me speak and hear me out as every word I utter is of significance to the national security of our respective countries and you may find our proposal very lucrative.

Asif Ali Zardari:    Lucrative?

Ryan C. Crocker:    Yes, lucrative.  As a general outline, what we are proposing is that the United States of America will pay you a salary of US dollars one billion per year for a five year term and left open for renegotiations after the period has ended.  We further put you in a position with executive powers but through you we will hold the reins of the Pakistani government. 

Asif Ali Zardari:    You said, executive not legislative.  So does that mean my wife Pinky, I mean Benazir, becomes the prime minister and me the president?  You know she is like her father; they want to rule like Napoleon with absolute authority.  I would joke with my wife that the Bhutto family is more dictatorial than the military with their martial law.

Ryan C. Crocker:    Mr. Zardari, if you accept the five billion dollar salary contract in principle, we can proceed further.  We will arrange for you to soon visit the United States for some medical treatment.  You better start using a cane so the visit looks legitimate.  I am sure Stephen can find you one. There you will spend a full month where you can have a legitimate medical check up and you will be briefed on how we propose to proceed.  Do you have any questions now that I have given you an outline?

Asif Ali Zardari:    Two things, sir.  Since you will be making all administrative decisions, what about the commercial ones?  Will I retain control over that at least?

Ryan C. Crocker:    Mr. Zardari, for the next five years all decisions – even personal ones – will require approval from us, such as, the schooling of your children and other similar ones.  Please understand that we will be reasonable and not keep throwing wrenches in your life and livelihood.  Your international reputation has nicknamed you mister-ten-percent.  We will make sure that areas where national security is not at risk you continue to get your ten percent commission of government contracts.  Having executive powers you may even increase it to twenty.  But all jokes aside, every decision of yours has to be fully approved by the government of the United States of America.  Your second question?

Asif Ali Zardari:    I want the US government to guarantee the security of my children.  And yours truly, of course.

Ryan C. Crocker:   We anticipated this so we have a detailed proposal which will be explained to you when you are in Washington that will guarantee yours and your children’s safety fully.  If you remain our true friend, we will look after you till the end.  Did we not do it for Pinochet?  So do we have a deal?

Asif Ali Zardari:    Yes, Mr. Crocker.  Yes sir, we have a deal.

ACT 3

SCENE 1

In the serene and peaceful pastures of Camp David, about half a dozen people are taking a leisurely walk.  And talking amongst themselves.

Anthony Blair:   I call Pakistan, Jinnah’s failed experiment.

George W. Bush:             Is Jinnah that Benzene’s father who was hanged?

Condoleezza Rice:           Sir, Jinnah was the leader of the Muslims during Indian independence from the British and he was the single most influential force in dividing India and creating Pakistan.  Plus, sir, it is not Benzene, but Benazir. 

George W. Bush:             Good looking woman, but by golly she used words I had never heard of.  Not even when I was at Yale.

Donald Rumsfeld:           I don’t give a damn hoot if she is Benzene or Benazir.  She is too much like that son-of-a-bitch her father.  Stubborn and arrogant to the core and if she gets into power, the atom bomb will go in the hands of Iran.  Pakistan is the only Muslim country with the A-bomb.  We should not have let it happen and I say let’s correct it now.

Richard Cheney:               I agree with Rummy, we don’t need her in power there.  I am trying to get an oil and gas deals with Turkmenistan, Kazakhstan and Azerbaijan and we need the port in Pakistan.  That woman is just trouble.

George W. Bush:             Yes, Pappy always said dealing with her father was like putting a round peg in a square hole.

Condoleezza Rice:           Sir, it is a square peg in a round hole.

Donald Rumsfeld:           (aside to Richard Cheney) I would not mind putting my peg in her hole.

Anthony Blair:   I think the conversation is leading nowhere.  It is evident that Benazir will win a majority and form the next government.  We wanted democracy and stability in the region and we forced elections on them.

Donald Rumsfeld:           No, Pakistan is too strategic for us and we need to be in the driving seat and have absolute control.

George W. Bush:             Yes Tony, absolute control.  We even put a chip inside that Benz, what’s her husband’s name, when he was going through a medical check-up in Washington. Now we even know when he shoots.  Sorry Condi. 

 Donald Rumsfeld:          Who told you this?  After the disaster of Watergate, we want the President to be as little informed as possible.  Condi, did you open your big mouth to the President?

George W. Bush:             Pappy told me over the weekend.  Don’t worry.  I know nothing.

Anthony Blair:   I do get the gist of it that you are to make Asif the head of the country and work through him.

George W. Bush:             Who the hell is Asif now?

Condoleezza Rice:           Benzene’s, sorry, I mean Benazir’s husband.

Richard Cheney:               Tony, for this, we do not need your support like we did with Iraq.  We are just keeping you updated as good friends.  But, when the gas and oil start flowing, you, your friends and your country will be very, very happy.  I promise you that. 

Donald Rumsfeld:           Plus Israel wants that bomb taken away from the Muslim world and this is the only way we can do it.  The Company will handle everything.  From our intelligence analysis, Pakistan is going to disintegrate by 2020 and we will be foolish to think we will be able to stop it.  So, I say, let’s be there to grab the lion’s share.  Plus, we will be in control to maintain the balance of power with Turban-Heads who are waiting like vultures with the BJP wanting the full India back.

George W. Bush:             If it ain’t the KGB, it is the KJP.

Condoleezza Rice:           Sir, it is the BJP. The Bharatiya Janata Party.  They are the right wing party of India.

George W. Bush:             Pappy says, between a right wing or a left wing, always go for the right wing.  They have family values like us.

Donald Rumsfeld:           Do we agree to let The Company proceed with the plan for the sake of national security?  The Company will be spending five percent of its annual budget on Pakistan.

George W. Bush:             Five percent sounds reasonable.

Donald Rumsfeld:           But, five percent on one country is a hell of a lot when there are over one hundred and ninety countries on this planet. Plus, military and other aid.  But Dick has confirmed that it is an investment with excellent returns and it is all for national security.

Richard Cheney:               The President’s and the Vice President’s offices gives the ok for sake of national security.

George W. Bush:             Yes to national security.  That is why people compare me to Churchill.

Donald Rumsfeld:           Ok, Operation Dynasty Change will be scheduled for December two seven.

George W. Bush:             Let’s all go to the chapel before dinner and ask the good Lord for his guidance in destroying all the evil and anti-American forces.  I know the devil is already at work throwing wrenches in our Operation Dynasty Change plan, but I know God supports America and he will be with there, supporting us on December thirty seventh.

Condoleezza Rice:           Sir, December twenty seventh.

George W. Bush:             Whatever, I know God is on our side because American values are God’s values.

Anthony Blair:                   (smiling)  My countrymen believe that God is an Englishman.

Condoleezza Rice:           Nietzsche said, “man created God in his own image” so he may belong to everyone.

Donald Rumsfeld:           Shut your trap Condi, we don’t need your, your, your ghetto, ghetto intellectual blasphemy here.

George W. Bush:             Yes Condi, I know from firsthand experience that God likes us and he too is practically American.  Maybe originally, English as Tony said, but now naturalised, pure blue-blooded American who probably loves baseball, McDonald’s and an apple pie.  Halleluiah! Praise be to Him.   

               

ACT 4

SCENE 1

A newspaper, on a coffee table, still folded in its original form with the headlines, “Benazir Felled by Assassin’s Bullets” dated December 27, 2007.

Babu-Lal:    Allah is great, Allah is one, Allah is all.  Asif brother, I came as soon as I heard the news.  I would have given my life for her.  We are back to square one and now I too curse this bloody Pakistan.

Asif Ali Zardari:    Don’t talk such nonsense.  At this point I need you more than anyone.  All these years in jail, I have thought a lot.  Allah was getting me ready for this moment.  My Babu-Lal, in every disaster there is a hidden seed of opportunity.  Come on, let’s go for a walk through my fields and I will show you the seed. This is the dawn of the Zardari reign as the Bhutto dynasty fades.  We are Sindhi landlords and we, for generations, have ruled and it is in our blood to rule.  Allah-Tala in his infinite wisdom has created some rulers and some slaves.  Neither can change positions.  Does a slave know how to rule?  Of course not.  And, imagine us working like slaves twenty hours a day.  Could you or I do it? No!

Babu-Lal:    You talk like a wise man.

Asif Ali Zardari:    America does not want democracy here in Pakistan.  They gave the PPP money to buy votes to make us win the elections.  Even in America, democracy is just a delusion.  The fools line up to vote once in four years on lies the politicians feed them and then run around gloating in their own glory of being born free in a democracy.  All these fourth of July and ours fourteenth of August fireworks and flag waving celebrations of freedom are a joke.  Remember Babu-Lal, democracy too is just opium to keep the masses lost in their illusionary world.  Millions of fools lost their homes and their lives during independence from the British.  Then what?   They were replaced by worse tyrants, but of their own religion and colour. The seed will grow into a beautiful tree very soon with plenty of sweet fruits.  Our objective for the next five years will be to nurture this tree and makes sure we pluck every fruit from it.  Babu-Lal, the first thing I want to do and I am seeing – you remember Stephen – is we need to shut the big mouths of the opposition, the damn lawyers and these newspapers.

Babu-Lal:    Yes, of course.

Asif Ali Zardari:    The second thing Babu-Lal, once in New York, I read this graffiti.  It said, “Jesus Saves” and below it someone had another graffiti say, “but, Mohammed invests.”  In the next five years, I plan on investing over thirty billion dollars.  None can be in my name so we need to spread it under several more names.

Babu-Lal:    Yes, of course.  I will get a list ready soon.

Asif Ali Zardari:    Now that I have shown you the seed, let us go inside and open a chilled bottle of Dom Perignon.  In a few hours, I will be addressing the nation.  The party will request me to take my wife’s place in politics.  I will continue to refuse in the beginning, but at the end will accept for sake of national security and in the public interest.

The End